Motivation, where art thou…

I’ve talked about spoons before. I’ve spoken about my mental illness. But in the practical world, when not dealing with the extremes, this is largely an invisible illness. Even I still fall for the old trap of thinking that I’m just lazy or useless – that I just need to get up and do the thing. But this barrier is just as physical as a visible disability. It is your physical brain and brain chemicals that make motivation either exist or not.

I long ago realized that I would hire a housekeeper when I have the money. The stress of dishes and vacuuming and other cleaning is not worth it. The self-guilt, the ugliness of having to live with the mess is destructive to my sanity. It is 100% worth the money to hire someone else to do it. I just need to have the money first.

And obviously during a pandemic is not the time to invite someone into your home…

Unfortunately, I can’t hire someone to do everything for me. My job, my classes, my need to shower and take my meds and keep myself relatively healthy are all things that I need to take responsibility for myself. So what often happens is procrastination. It has become a staple of my existence at this point.

My job? With little things like tea, candy, and the occasional Starbucks drink. And regularly scheduled mental health days off. And using more sick time than I ideally should.

Homework? Last minute.

Showers? As rarely as possible.

Meds? On a schedule with a timer, located near places I’d already be at that time of day.

Feeding myself healthy food? Usually takeout or something easy to make. Cooking from scratch is a luxury for people who have motivation. So, it is rare for me to do.

I’ve learned to adapt to work with my struggles instead of against them. I need to make realistic solutions, not strive to be someone who has brain functioning that I do not have.

As for you guys, what are your life hacks? How do you find motivation?

(Seriously… I need more ideas.)

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