How to Hold Everything Together (Badly)

We’re probably all aware at this point, but here’s a brief surrounding summary of the state of my country to set the scene:

  • COVID-19 pandemic.
  • Trump somehow still in power.
  • U.S. Post Office getting fucked over
  • The world pretty much agrees the U.S. is a hot mess.
  • Summertime = things afire = smoke pollution.
  • Environment is fucked.
  • Most people are broke because of the economic crisis and losing their jobs and/or job stability.
  • Anti maskers exist in hoards because of course privileged folk dgaf about literally anyone but themselves.
  • Did I miss anything? I apologise for not being super up to date on world politics because I live in the U.S. and I only have enough spoons to keep up on our bullshit.

Alright now that we’ve got the world around us covered, let’s talk about Pandora’s specific box.

  • Bipolar affected by *gestures at everything*
    • Anxiety
  • Migraines (please check out my new migraine thoughts page for more of my dark humor – linked below via the giant red button. Very difficult to miss. Please enjoy.)
  • Partial loss of income
  • New therapist (yay)
    • Introducing new therapist to my past, thereby opening up old wounds (boo)
  • Getting better at new job (yay)
    • Have awesome coworkers and boss (yay)
    • Boss just quit….. . . . . (boo)
  • Got new daith jewelry in (yay)
    • Fucked up my ear trying to (and failing to) put new jewelry in
    • Luckily I can just go to my piercing shop and have them put the clickers in ……… once the pandemic is over in maybe a year or so from now minimum if we’re being realistic

To sum up my helluva day:

  • 3rd day of migraine
  • Found out my boss quit, which is not ideal because I’m still on probation
  • Got through the work day somehow and had therapy session #2 in which I am still, per my own choice, giving her my background story, and going over alllll the trauma bits (which left me a little raw)
  • Had gotten new daith jewelry by mail, all excited to put it in, discovered that the clickers, as beautiful as they are, are a pain in the ass to close when they aren’t attached to anything, so a non-piercer who isn’t used to changing jewelry is pretty much doomed, and obviously that failed so I end up sobbing over it and end up getting help from my partner to put my old clicker back in. But my ear was sore the rest of the night.
  • Bed time! Finally gonna get to sleep and maybe kick the migraine! Jk lol my brain didn’t let me sleep til 4am because of all of the above.
New super pretty titanium daith earrings

Whew, ok. Now we can talk about how Pandora is handling things with eloquence and grace as a model for how to (not) properly handle stress in these trying times. And what I mean by that is here is what you don’t do.

You don’t go 3 migraine days in a row and pretend you can handle things as normal.

You don’t think that you can real quick get through your traumatic backstory without an aftercare plan.

You don’t try to put in new jewelry without testing to see how it opens and closes prior to removing old jewelry and forcing it into your ear.

You don’t decide to not take the melatonin until 3am because you are lazy and in denial about how quickly you can get to sleep.

You don’t lay in bed miserable feeling like you want to pet a cat but don’t seek out a cat because of laziness.

You don’t go on social media and remember everything wrong with the world.

Moral of the story: take care of yourselves to the best of your ability in these trying times. It isn’t easy. But, it is important. Give yourself structure if that’s what you need. Be lazy about food if making food stresses you out. Sometimes leftover cookie dough is all you have the energy to eat, but it is still better than nothing.

If you have any ideas about self-care, or just want to criticize my inability to function, please comment below.

I’ll be coping with crime wine (you know that brand with the criminals on the front – I got the Snoop Dogg one and I am SO excited), D&D, and cats this weekend. What are you doing?

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