Post 10: How to be Bad at Getting Money for your, uh, Salesperson Skills

This is the third in a 3 part series:

Your, Uh, Personality (NSFW) ~Your, Uh, Certain Set of Skills ~ Your, Uh, Salesperson Skills

This entire thing is fake. Please don’t become a drug dealer. It is far too dangerous, and my satire here is meant to show that.

Marketing is easy. You just need to find a desirable product, advertise it to your customer base, and BOOM. Money.

People love products that make them feel good. They love forgetting all of their troubles and pains. They love drugs. They love them. If you sell drugs, they’ll love you too. Now, don’t listen to logic, real live testimonials, statistics, or shows like Breaking Bad & Weeds. Selling drugs is super easy, safe, and fun!! I mean, look at how much money big pharma is making!

Step 1: Make drugs. It doesn’t take a science degree to experiment in the kitchen until you find a good recipe for drugs. The explosions probably won’t even be that bad, and you can probably use regular ingredients from your grocery store. Cake is basically a drug, and you just need to make it more druggy and limited in production. Bam! Droppin’ some economics in here! Gotta get some GDP (Great Drugs, Please) in your supply so that your customers will demand them!

Step 2: Get people hooked. Make best friends with your local drug lords. They probably have tea parties on Sundays, and you can introduce them to your new product and get tips from them! You’ll be able to form long-lasting relationships while growing your business!

Step 3: Mass-production. Snow White got all of those forest creatures to help her clean the house, you need to figure out how to sing them the song of “please help me make and sell drugs!” It’ll be fine. Couldn’t possibly go wrong.

Step 4: Sell! Convince your potential customers to take your drugs by using the alluring eyes of your precious forest creatures. Once they’re hooked, then the real fun begins.

Tweet me @PandoraCray!

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