Post 8: How to be Bad at Getting Money for your, uh, Personality (NSFW)

This is the first in a 3 part series:

Your, Uh, Personality (NSFW) ~Your, Uh, Certain Set of Skills ~ Your, Uh, Salesperson Skills

Surely it is super easy to use your glowing, uh, personality to make money. I will outline how to do a terrible job at it below:

Sex WorkSugar BabyStripper

Too IllegalToo Many ScamsToo Fat


Let’s Talk About Sex Work

Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s about all the good things and the bad things … about sex work.

This is one of those articles with some fiction sprinkled in – namely for the illegal stuff. I fully support the legalization of sex work everywhere, but I also prefer to not risk even the appearance of doing illegal things, myself.

Sex work is: cam-girls (and all the other genders with the same job), phone sex workers, escorts (and their many other fun and not-so-fun names), porn actors, fetish workers, etc.

Stripping also counts under sex work, but I’ll include that as its own topic.

Sex work IS NOT: trafficking, non-consensual anything (and those under 18 are under the age of consent), abusive pimps, etc.

Most of the actual faults of sex work are due to taboos, illegality, and general disrespect for those in the industry – which then seeps into laws. Sex workers are abused and killed because people don’t respect them or their profession. People get away with abusing them because they cannot report without incriminating themselves. Laws like SESTA and FOSTA confuse sex work with sex trafficking and make sex work even more dangerous (while driving sex traffickers to be more sneaky rather than more easily caught).

Story Time…

Now for the fun part of the article:

The Adventures of Pandora as she tries to make Money by Gracing people with her … Body Language.

Advertising your services is difficult when your services are less-than legal. Standing out in the street is dangerous and unlikely to gain you a high-paying client. Advertising online leads you to the dark web. The easiest work to do to get more bang for their buck (pun intended), I hear, is fetish work. People will pay A LOT to get their jollies without telling anyone in their actual lives about it. My best move here is clearly to be a specialist: telling them about how I am the dommest dominatrix that ever did domme. $200/hour.

Some hot tips for making that cash:

  • Forget to check your messages and emails: Making them wait for a response makes them want it more.
  • Post pictures of only your butt with funny faces painted on it
  • Demand that all money be placed in your piggy bank that you take with you everywhere
  • Take out your competition, on a date, to learn their skills. Even if you spend all of your money on them, it is only a slippery slope to more money. Right? Because learning?
  • Always end your session by telling them “Get the fuck out so I can fart!” so that they know you are an authority figure and that it is time to leave. Your honesty will make them a continued and loyal client.
…End of the story.

Ah Sugar, Ah Baby Baby

You are my sugarbaby… And you’ve got me paying you…

There are an extraordinarily large amount of people out there who have so much money and so few romantic prospects that they use their money to gain the company of, well, companions. These people are often referred to as Sugar Daddies or Sugar Mamas, and these companions are often referred to as Sugar Babies.

It seems simple enough. Find a rich person. Be irresistibly cute. Win money to spend on wine and cats and, I guess, bills. Maybe mani/pedis. Cute clothes – part of being irresistibly cute. Et cetera and so forth.

Problem: scams.

“Okay now go buy a gift card and I’ll fill it with money for you…”

Seems legit. Jk. Nope. Scammity scam scammer.


I’m in Love with a Job as a Stripper

So. Stripping. Strippers are thin, flexible, and usually great at customer service. I once got a lap dance from a stripper, and she made me feel like the best version of myself.

Strippers are thin. I haven’t been thin since I was 18. I couldn’t even get a job as a waitress at a strip club. So.


So, I think the lesson here is that:

A: Any kind of sex work should be legal and protected

B: Body positivity should be a thing embraced everywhere (but individuals are perfectly allowed to want to change their body for their own reasons)

And C: Everyone needs to be vigilant about scams. When in doubt, throw the whole thing out. You certainly don’t need to fall for a scam and lose money when you need money the most.

Tweet me @PandoraCray!

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